Eighteen months was a long time. Hopefully it wouldn’t’ be that long, “I’m gonna miss you,” she said, not yet noticing his mood changing for the darker, “How’s your family taking it?” At the mention of someone having a plan that would make that person and her happy, she would raise her eyebrows inquisitively, “Who’s got a plan that would make me happy?”

His answer to her question about giving him some of her hair hurt for a moment. Oh he thought it was dumb, didn’t he? And she opened her mouth to say…she didn’t know what, when she finally noticed his mood.

She’d try and untangle herself from him so that she was kneeling by him, facing him. She could look him in the eye better from this position, “Are you okay?” She asked, unconsciously reaching for the hand that was closest to her.

"Yea, I'll miss you too." he replied somberly. Raff shrugged one shoulder at her family question before he answered.

"Denzul and Ewan were sad at first but they love the idea of living with Van Zant kids again like last time I got shipped out. I got Alan and his new wife gonna move in ta take care of Cady and she hasn't talked to me since I told her. Said she hates me fer leavin her again so soon and I don't blame her one bit. I ain't thrilled about it either."

He gave a flat stare with a lifted eyebrow and finally answered the obvious. "There's only one guy we're talking about when I say he, Red."

Red looked hurt for some reason and he had no idea why. Was she gonna do a Cady, scream I hate you and run off? She suddenly stopped hugging him and moved to position herself directly in front of him. Raff knew she wanted eye contact but he really didn't wanna give it. He put his chin down nearly to his chest, wanting no fuckin part of this scene.

Red took his left hand in one of hers and Raff looked back at her while keeping his chin and face down. It wasn't a pleasant look to have a tall shaggy muscled guy looking at you that way with a fixed gaze. He didn't intend it to look or be mean, but the position was not an inviting one to have staring back at you.

"Nope. Not by a long shot. Can't imagine yer happy with it."

“It’s not like you chose to leave,” she said, feeling a little irritated at Cady for hurting Raff with the tantrum even though she understood why the younger girl had said what she said. She was wanting to throw herself in the sand and kick and scream up a storm herself.

In answer to the who, she nodded in understanding, “Ah,” she said, “What’s his big plan? Is it stowing away so I can come with you? Because that would make me happy...and in trouble, too, probably.”

He didn’t want to make eye contact with her. That was alarming. She’d never been able to have him NOT look at her. Was there something else going on, or was everything that was involved with leaving the primary thing dampening his mood? When he finally did look at her, it didn’t appear friendly. Goddess, but he could have such a look in his eye. Was it wrong that she found it a little appealing? Maybe it was the stress of him leaving…

“No, I’m not thrilled a bit,” she bit her lip, “You’re leaving for an undisclosed amount of time,” to a kingdom full of just women at that, “And a lot of bad stuff could happen before I get to see you again,” she’d be a nervous wreck about it until he came back.

"She's fourteen and has every right to be mad at me." he answered earnestly. "I've barely been back just under two years and now I'm off to Cambria, the land of women who hate men. By the time I get back, Cady will probably... be an adult and maybe even married."

That last word had him almost choking. Raff stayed still as statue, not even blinking at he continued to stare at her. His voice came out clearly stating a fact as coldly as humanly possible, with a blatant name drop.

"Lord Keelan Morrigan ordered me to marry you Rhedara. And orders is orders."

The revelation of Keelan’s plans once again rendered her mute. For a while, all that could be heard was the sound of the waves and the wind blowing the sand across the beach.

“What?” when she finally spoke, her voice was flat and a little loud with disbelief. She sat back on her heels and crossed her arms in front of her chest, “‘Orders are orders’?” It was stupid that that hurt, but her outrage over their mutual boss telling them to get married overpowered any hurt she felt, “An order is to go to Cambria or to polish swords, or complete a task,” was her voice shaking? She didn’t care, “not to get married!”

She rubbed her hands over her face. That had not how she’d ever expected to be proposed to…if one could call that a proposal. ‘Hey, our boss says we should get hitched’ was a crappy proposal.

“Does he think I’m with child or something? Because that’s the only reason I can think that someone would be ordered to marry someone,” she was on a roll. She was going to tell him exactly what she thought of it all, even if he would probably still drag her to an elder witch afterwards, “Well I’m not pregnant. And only my dad could do that—and he fell off the fishing boat when I was fifteen.”

“A proposal should be freely given,” she bit her lip, “and because we’re in love. Do you even love me, Raff? I know you like me well enough. Would’t you resent me if I said yes?”

Raff blinked once letting her get out her words. 

He would have to take away his hazard money from Cady and his brothers and give it all to Rhedara, forcing her to live in his shit shack to take care of three kids while he was in man hating Cambria for who knew how long. And the ONLY thing Red was concerned with was LOVE?! His boss had just fucked with Raff's trust and loyalty like it was merely a toy to be played with and destroyed his life to shreds! The resentment of hate, distrust and rage just built higher as Raff stayed silent. Keelan Morrigan just garaunteed that Raff would never be stupid enough to EVER trust that guy again. And making Rhedara the one that got the much needed money instead of his siblings? FUCK LOVE!

Raff's chin went up and he exhaled quietly through his nose, working to contain his voice to stay quiet. This time he purposely turned his head away from her, looking above it. Were both Red and Keelan in on this shit storm together? 

"Love is the first thing on your eighteen year old mind? You think an order and betrayal of trust and takin food outta kids' mouths is romantic as long as love is somehow involved?" 

“Love was not the first thing on my mind,” she shot back, “It was the audacity that our boss would order it like that. Why on Terra Nova is he ordering us to get married? And what do you mean taking food out of—oh,” she hadn’t even thought of that. She’d never been deployed anywhere, so why would she? Still, it probably should have occurred to her, “Oh goddess,” she rubbed her face again, “The hazard pay?” She stared at his face even as he looked away. If she married him, it would go to her.

“I don’t want it,” she said, “It’s your sibling’s money, and I won’t marry you and take it away from them. I respect you too much to do that, and I like your siblings too much to do that,” oh but she could just lay a whopper of a curse on Keelan Morrigan just then, “And I couldn’t look at myself if I married you and did that to them. So my answer is ‘no.’” If she even got to say no.

"You said, 'A proposal should be freely given and because we’re in love. Do you even love me, Raff? I know you like me well enough. Wouldn't you resent me if I said yes?' So a bad proposal was the first one. Then it's ok if there's love. Lastly you asked if I'd mind you saying yes."

He summed it up word for word, phrase for phrase exactly. Because if he told her how much Raff now hated both her and Keelan, what would she say? Would it even matter? Nope. Not one fuckin bit. Raff continued to look at the ocean and unless she tried to force him to look at her, he wasn't going to. 

"Dunno and don't care what the fuck he thinks coz he's no longer someone I trust. I asked as ordered. The rest is up to you entirely. Make sure to report back to his Lordship every word of this so he knows I followed his orders."

Then Keelan could spank one out while Red reported it back for all Raff cared now. Fury didn't even begin to cover it. 

He’d repeated her words back to her. He’d missed her point, “I don’t know what to say to you, Raff…first you’re telling me that you’re going to be shipped off for who knows how long and then you tell me that our boss stuck his nose in where it doesn’t belong and ordered us to get married. I was never going to say yes to that,” she threw her hands up in the air, “I don’t care what he does to me. We don’t know each other well enough. What we have is too new to even discuss it,” she paused to allow herself to breath, “I asked you if you’d resent me because I know I would resent you if you dragged to an elder witch and made me marry you…” she swallowed a lump in her throat as she felt tears heat her eyes, “And the thought of you resenting me—especially for something that I didn’t even want to bring up—is awful.”

Report back? What? Wait, “Do you think I’m in on this?” She couldn’t believe it, “You do, do you? Well I’m not. If I were in on this, Raff, I would have lead you right to an elder witch, not gone on a rant about the lack of our mutual desire to get married,” she tugged at her hair, her hair that only moments ago was offered as a token of affection. He’d tried to hug her earlier—before she’d elbowed him in the gut that is. Was there a way to get him to look at him like that again?

“I could kill him,” her hands were shaking even as tears flooded down her cheeks. She turned away in an attempt to hide them from him if he looked. Please don’t hate me for something I didn’t do, “Fucking nobles…”

Red yelled and ranted and rambled as Raff sat still and just listened without any quick answers. Then she said something incredibly stupid, which forced him to look at her. 

"You'd never kill him. He's got ring ward protection against low level witches like ya fer starters. And me hearin ya say yer gonna kill him means I'd have ta take ya out myself." Raff said with a fierce gaze. "Take it back and we can talk about what ya said before that. Don't threaten him in front of me coz it'll be the last live thing you do." Raff rose slowly to his full height. 

"I fully resent and hate him now more than any words can show. But no one threatens him. I'm the first of many in a long line of defense. Never say those words again Rhedara. You take it back. Think it all ya want, but ya take back those words out loud, right fuckin now." In less than two strides, he towered over her crying little self and his voice was a very low and barely restrained growl,

"I'm pissed too but don't ya ever EVER threaten his life, ya hear me Rhedara?"

In that moment, Raff hated Keelan more than anyone else he ever hated in his life. The memory of Greglin practically gave him the warm fuzzies next to the resentment that overwhelmed him. But orders is orders.

What she’d meant to just think had slipped out, and Raff told her to take it back or he’d have to kill her. He’d even said her full name. He’d never called her by her full name before. She looked up at him as he loomed over her, and had she not spent most of her teens in the military, she would have balked more than she did.

She stood too if only that she wasn’t straining her neck to look at him, “I hear you,” she sniffled, wiping one of her cheeks with a sleeve, “I take those words back,” another sniffle, “That was stupid of me to say.”

Raff stepped back and exhaled, unclenching his fists. Again he thanked fate that just posturing was needed to control a situation. Thankfully she'd seen sense and stopped immediately. Defending Keelan's life was his most important task before all others, no matter what. If anyone had overheard Red's words, it would get back to him and then they'd both be dead. He was the last man on Terra Nova that he wanted to defend right now, especially against a few impulsive words from an eighteen year old having a lover's spat. The towering resentment grew into a higher pile. Some day it would topple, but not right now. Keelan had stolen his trust of even his own girl! And Raff would never forgive him for taking away the one thing he could count on when he needed it most. Now he was shipping off to Cambria and couldn't even trust his own self.

"Good. Let's talk. Have a seat."

This time when he sat, he leaned his arms on his knees and sat across from Red, keeping a few feet of distance between them. 

"So ya weren't in on his stupid fuckin plot?"

It sounded like a dumb question, but for Raff, it was a good baseline to reestablish some foundation. It wasn't gonna be an instant trust builder, but it was a small step forward. That and he couldn't stand looking at her when she was crying like he was a monster and it made feel like a pile a dog shit. Coz Raff had just literally threatened her life in defense of his. 

'I really am a monster.' he thought, deeply ashamed.

She’d expected more of a lecture after her slip, but her just saying that she took it back seemed to really be all he wanted from her. She sat across from him, criss-crossing her legs under her skirt, finding comfort more important than modesty—he’d seen what was under her skirt and then some anyways.

Ugh, she was still all teary. She hated crying. Hated how vulnerable it made her. She’d worked for years in the mandatory training and then during her brief career to not let the more sensitive feelings show. Tears were saved for when she was alone. Crying in front of Raff was worse—especially when he’d just said he’d have to kill her if she said she wanted to kill Keelan Morrigan again. She wanted to be strong. She should have been angry because he hadn’t taken her side. Maybe she would be later when she couldn't argue with him about it. Right then she was just glad he wasn’t walking away...or maybe her feelings for him wouldn't let her. Stupid heart. Since she met him, she was beginning to understand why her mother might have left a life that guaranteed a meal and warmth for the sake of love.

She hastily wiped at her tears, only to smear rough sand on her cheek, making more tears well up. Damn it.

“Of course I wasn’t part of it,” she said, her voice raw. She hated that about crying too, “Why would I try to entrap you into marriage—through a third party no less? This is the first I’ve heard of him playing at matchmaker.”