Rhedara returned home, more than ready to sleep after the long day she’d had. Although her new line of work wasn’t as physically taxing as it had been when she’d been in the military, the mental exertion was just tiring. Who’d have thought?

Of course, her landlady and old friend of her father’s was currently home, and Rhedara feared that her desire for a quiet evening to wind down would be thwarted. Bette had a way of making things noisy when she wasn’t being nosy.

”Another late night, Rhedara?” said Bette from her spot in the corner as the old woman mended her well-loved apron, ”He shouldn’t work such a young girl the way he does,” she tittered, “A girl your age ought to be finding a husband!”

Rhedara resisted the urge to sigh. It’d been an old discussion between the two of them ever since her family died. The old bat thought that since she was “practically family” that she could butt in on her life. The old woman had been more than joyful when she’d found out that Rhedara was being courted by someone, but as soon as Raff had been stationed in Cambria, she’d gone right back to her matchmaking nagging.

She really needed to get her own place.

“You’re welcome to tell him that,” she said tiredly, not up for arguing or pointing out that she had a very nice prospect and should be left alone, “I’m going to bed.”

Before she could go very far, the old woman stopped her, “Before I forget, a letter came for you,” she held up the letter, “It’s from that unkempt-looking lieutenant you’ve taken a fancy to.”

Despite the little dig Bette had taken toward Raff, Rhedara’s heart started to do a little happy dance in her chest as her eyes focused on the letter that the old woman was waving in the air. Raff had replied! Feeling much more awake, she wordlessly snatched the letter from Bette and hurried to her room to read it in privacy. Her last letter to him had ended with coquettish promises, and she was eager to see how her lover would respond.

As soon as she shut the door, she tore open the envelope and tugged out the paper within. To her complete confusion, when she unfolded it two things fluttered out of the paper and down to the floor. Bending down, she saw the dried flower that she’d sent in her last letter, and then she saw strands of hair that ever tangled as if someone had hastily tugged them out of a braid. It was her hair, she realized even as she picked up the strands to compare the shade to her own. What…why?

The beating of her heart shifted to something far less delighted than before as she deciphered his handwriting. When she got to the end, she blankly stared at the letter for two heartbeats before reading it again, then again, refusing to believe what she was reading. Too young and foolish? A passing fancy? Clingy? He’d told her he’d just wanted “some ass” with her and now he was bored with all the time that had passed between them. The nail that really hurt when he’d struck it were the words, Don’t look for me again, don’t write to me again. It’s over, little girl.

“What?” The word came out as a weak whisper, “No…that, that can’t be right…” It was just his handwriting…his handwriting was terrible, she told herself. Surely she’d read it wrong those first three times. That was it, she’d read it wrong. So she read it again. The words didn’t change with the fourth read, nor the fifth.

She sat heavily on her bed, the beginnings of tears stung her eyes. It didn’t make sense! She’d thought of the last time she saw him when they were on the beach. They’d fought, then made up and declared that they belonged to each other. She thought of the way he looked at her, how nice he’d been to her. Was that all just a lie? Had the reasons he didn’t want her anymore been the real reason why he found the idea of marrying her back then so wretched? It hadn’t been because of anger at their employer for pushing the matter on them?

A flash of anger. She’d shared her body…let him take her maidenhood…and he’d ended things like this? The desire to curse that soulless bastard rose like a dark river, but then that desire snuffed out nearly as soon as it arose. Damn it! Although they’d not been a couple for much more than a season, she had fallen enough in love with him that even though he’d broken things off so cruelly, the idea of cursing him was still distasteful. Double damn it!

It was just as well…if she were going to curse him, she wanted to be there to see him suffer. It would only be fair...and satisfying.

At least he hadn’t gotten her with child, she told herself. At least she hadn’t married him like Keelan Morrigan wanted her to if that was the way he felt about her. Bastard. Just when she thought she wouldn’t be alone anymore…just when she’d started to imagine a future where…well, those dreams were shattered. Now she was back to where she was as far as family went. Alone. She hadn’t realized just how alone she’d felt until she was alone again, “Bastard," she said it out loud now, trying not to let the tears flow. goddess, she hated crying.

At least no one was there to see her cry.

She read the letter one more time, hoping in vain that it’d say something different, that her tiredness had conjured up what she’d read over and over already. But it was the same. She crumpled the paper in her hand and made to throw it, but stopped herself. No, she’d keep the letter a while. She’s keep it in part because of the desires of her stupid, young heart, and also because she would need to remind herself about why she should be angry with him, why she shouldn’t pine after him even as she knew that she’d would do just that for far longer than she should.

Stupid heart. Stupid Love…stupid Raff.

No longer able to hold back the tears, she lay back on her bed and let herself cry as hard as she needed to. Allowed herself mourn the loss of what might have been. She knew that eventually she’d be more angry than sad, but there was no room to be very angry at that moment. So she cried. At some point in the night, cheeks wet with tears that were still flowing, she fell asleep.

[End Thread]