“I don’t know what brought her to Cassian,” she said it so casually, “I wasn’t here. I was in Dresmond. I came back to her having been given a position over me and the free reign she has.” She wanted to sound neutral but his own tone fueled her a bit more. “I wasn’t here,” not for Cassian, not for Logan, not for Hadrian, not for anything that happened while she was gone. She came home to her whole world turned upside down while she was out on orders. Ones she wasn’t even supposed to be on in the first place.

“I have spoken these words,” she was quiet again. “But it doesn’t matter.” Because whether Cassian believed her or not, he was going to do what he was. He was the king, the alpha after all. At least he was for now. “It’s done.” Her being replaced, the damage to her that was irreversible. “I can only keep an eye on things and be ready… do better or more next time to protect all of you.” Whether from an outside force… or Regan herself. Her hands rose to cover his, speckled and discolored as the rest of her that was unseen.

“Drop this Hadrian, and let me try and protect you. And others.” She might’ve been caught off guards once before. But not again. The resolve in her voice said that much.

“I wasn’t here.”

Hadrian heard the weight behind her words. The pain was beyond the physical. It twisted in him, only deepening the bitter rage that had started to grow dark roots. Hadrian was already a man prone to a temper, but this was different. Hatred was not a fleeting fire. It was a permanent bitterness that, once swallowed, could not be undone.

“It’s not done and it does matter.” Hadrian’s voice was still quiet so as not to be overheard, but his voice had all the force of a violent shout. “If the king is as blind to the threat as you say, this will only worsen. What happens when you’re not there and she turns on someone else? What happens when she finds you to finish what she started? For goddess’s sake, Alys, after Bex, we can’t have another rogue witch. Another unhinged murderer.” For surely that’s what this was. The act of a madwoman—Hadrian had no reason to believe it otherwise. He took a deep breath, trying to keep himself under control.

“What is it you propose?"

Her dark gaze stayed with him as he lowered his voice, staying close as she stared up at him. She felt the words, bitter on her tongue, that wanted to come out. That it doesn’t matter because look where they were… look at her own destroyed body. She remembered the last time she stood in the office and stripped down in front of him, a similar burn in her when she showed him her wolf side.

“Because he doesn’t feel the threat.” She slipped out before she felt as if he back handed her with the question: ‘What happens when she finds you to finish what she started?’ Visibly Alys recoiled from him, her lip twisting into a snarl and taking a step back as if he had burned her himself. “She will not be what ends me.” Her words dark and firm, staring up at him with her own fire and her words nearing a growl from deep within her chest. “I told you all she needs more training, I stood in here and told you.” Back before she left for Dresmond. “And not one of you felt the need to listen to me once I was sent in her place,” replacement. She wasn’t sure who of the two felt more like a replacement for one another.

But what should they do? Her hand ran over the short dark hair that covered her head, slowing as her finger tips brushed one of the spots just barely starting to grow back hair. Shame still rippled through her, and her gaze left his to stare at the corner of his desk. The last time she spoke about the pack… she despised the word… this is what Regan decided to do to handle it. “I don’t have all the answers Hadrian. I can’t even talk-” her gaze lifted to him again, her jaw feathering before her gaze fell again. “We need to get the others trained and ready. I want to go to them… here, in Cambria, in Coheed. Help them train and try to find the weak spots, the threats so we can avoid another Bex,” a breath left her. “But I can’t be in multiple places… and it’s not like I’m a royal guard anymore. Regan doesn’t leave his side unless given a task.”

“So unless I am to start being a shadow for him and her,” she almost lifted the hood back over her face, before her hand dove into the pocket of her training pants and wrapped around the calming stone within. Her shoulders easing visibly. “She’s not going to be a problem for you all as long as Cassian is given her direction. I’ve always been the problem for her.” Alys answered evenly. “She’s always seen me as some barrier wall to conquer, and even when I’ve tried to offer help… she doesn’t want it from me.”

Cassian didn’t feel the threat. That was the missing piece in all of this for Hadrian; the part that he had yet to understand. Hadrian had thought the king a reasonable man. He valued those that served him, and Alys had done so with unwavering loyalty and excellence. Regan was only a newly added tool in his toolkit—one whose successes were as unpredictable as her temper.

While he sorted through the jumbled, incomplete evidence he listened to Alys’s request for mroe training. For readying the troops against attack by…one of their own? That still left the matter of Regan looming like a shadow. Attempted murder—those are the words he kept coming back to. Seeing Alys, Hadrian didn’t know how else one could describe it. What is it that would have Cassian shield her—

“And what is it you can’t say?” Hadrian asked bounty, roiling with anger, “Is she sleeping with him? Is that why he’s protecting her?” He asked bluntly, knowing the words were ones that would guarantee his removal had they been said to anyone else. "Alys, it doesn't make sense. She tried to kill you."

How was that getting lost?

More questions poured from him, more that she couldn't answer or didn't know the answers to. Ones that had soured in her ears like curdled milk and made her turn further into his office, whether to get away from his words or the questions she even had. Were they sleeping together? Jealousy burned in her gut, even after all these years... Something she knew she had no right to feel. "I don't know." it was an answer to one of his questions but not all of them.

'She tried to kill you.'

And would have probably succeed if Cassian hadn't interjected. Even then... Alys knew she would've fought until her death than really expose her belly like Regan had wanted her to. Or maybe Regan had really wanted to end her there... She could still feel the sharpness of her teeth in her throat, her hand rubbing over the column of her neck. "Hadrian, I can't." She bit out. "I can't make it make sense for you. I just need you to trust me," she didn't deserve it, and something about it brought a rippling anger forward in her that had her hands wrapping tightly around her waist.

"I don't know what the fuck to do," anger boiled in her tone, her hands curling and nails biting into her skin. "I have dedicated everything-," she slammed a hand onto the desk, the calming stone skittering to the floor, as tears of anger escaped her. "And yet it isn't-," enough. She wasn't enough. The burning thought had her turn and move towards his door, as if she'd slip past him to escape.

Hadrian would move into her way to stop her. He’d put her hands on her if need be, though his touch would be gentle. Seeing her tears, his anger was smothered in favor of care. Yes, he had questions, but he wouldn’t hurt Alys, not when she’d already lost so much—but neither would he abandon them altogether.

“Alys…” Hadrian’s voice would still be low, but instead of rumbling with thunder it would be soft and soothing, “Alys, you’re alright—” If she allowed, he’d try to pull her to him.

He moved into her way and a growl ripped from her throat as she stepped back, but not enough to escape the way his hands found her and kept her from moving forward. Her throat burned, her eyes stung, and yet she looked up at him with a furrowed brow. “I’m not alright.” She corrected. “Look at me, Hadrian.” Her hand shot out and wordlessly, a small incantation exploded and hit the fireplace, igniting the leftover wood inside and bathing the room in warm light. “Look at me.” It scared her and yet she needed him to see.

“This isn’t just skin deep, the damage is so much deeper and,” she felt her lip tremble and another growl left her as she hated the self loathing spewing from her. She wanted to make it stop, to shut herself up, and she did the one thing she knew would shut her mouth- laying her lips against his in an anger-heated kiss to try and give some sort of balm to her pain.

The growl had him step back a hair, and the incantation too. The fireplace literally burst into flames making objects around it scatter. Hadrian only looked at it for a moment though. Quickly his attention returned to Alys, his face a strange mixture of rage, concern, and sorrow.

No, Alys was not alright. She hadn’t been since Logan’s death—how could she be? The blow Regan Lassiter had dealt her was just one in a series that had tried to pummel the witch into the ground. The fact that it was flames that lit the burns on Alys’s face was sickening, only further stoking his hatred for the unhinged witch.

Even so…Alys was beautiful. She had the same full lips; the same dark eyes and gentle curves. When she approached, Hadrian swallowed her up in his arms. He kissed her back with as much ferocity as he had the first time he’d drawn her close.

She wanted to drown in him, in every raw emotion she saw in his gaze. The rage. The heat. The way he folded around her as she wrapped around him— except she hiss against his lips at the sudden sensations against her. “No… wait,” afraid he’d stop all together with the hiss of pain. Her lips still ghosting his as she untangled on hand from him and shuffled through her pockets.

Her skin prickled uncomfortably and all she could think about was that little button that Akagi had given her, not to calm her nerves, but ease back the pain. Because this… this couldn’t be taken from her too… fates couldn’t be that cruel as to take this from her. Her hand wrapped the stone but it ebbed, not as strong as it once was and a small noise that was most definitely a complaint left her, but as she tore her hand from her pocket, she shifted and pressed her mouth back to his.

Goddess damned, she wouldn’t give this up, even if some pain now lived with it.

Hadrian loosened his hold on her as she hissed in pain. She was still fragile—of course she was. Alys’s body had not only endured fire but her spirit as well, enduring one blow after another, starting with Logan’s death. Yes, he’d indulged himself, satisfied their mutual longing from where she’d sequestered herself making potions, but now? What kind of man would drag her into bed like this?

“Alys…” He would seek to take her face in his hands and hold her far enough away that he could look into her eyes. To search for something.

A small, displeased noise left her as he loosened and she knew what was about to happen. Long before he pulled back and held her from him, her eyes squeezed shut as if she could block out the way he said her name. Everything about her tightened though at the sound, “Please don’t say my name like that…” she begged him in a whisper. Though she had yet to find the strength to open them again.

“Don’t look at me as weak,” her brows pinched deeply together, even as he’d feel the weight of her face suddenly in his palms. “I’m not… I’m not weak, I promise,” her jaw worked hard to keep her from shouting it or letting the sob break her words. “I’m not weak Hadrian,” dark eyes opened, lined heavily with tears that threatened to spill down her burned cheeks. “I swear it,” she didn’t know if she was trying to convince him or Nevermere or herself.

Hadrian wanted her—he did. The delicious memory of their last encounter was still present in his mind. But the tears that welled up in her eyes, the desperation in the whisper, only revealed what Hadrian should have seen long before: Alys had been left to weather this storm alone. Foolishly, Hadrian had assumed that Cassian would provide for her. That somehow, ensuring Alys—one of his most loyal servants—was alright was his duty. But clearly it was a duty the royal was shirking.

For the woman that stood before him was not alright. She was far from it.

Hadrian continued to cradle her face in his hands. “It is no weakness to lean on others,” he said softly, “It is no weakness to need rest.” He brushed her cheeks with his thumbs.

“Why don’t you come and stay at my estate for a time? Away from the castle? You can bring the children—I’ll join you in a few days. I’d be happy to ask the king on your behalf…”

Her eyes closed, she felt the tears still escape her eyes, falling down her cheeks onto his hands. Even with his gentle voice and soft touches, she barely felt like she was holding together. A sharp breath was taken in to try and hold her together before he was offering something that she would’ve never expected.

Away from the castle, even if it was for a few days… she was sure she could ask for a few days on her own. The only reason she hadn’t left the castle was because the place she had called home haunted her with the memory of Logan. Of how he had slowly been losing himself over the years… and she couldn’t stand to be near their bed room, where their life had been spent together, where they brought their children into the world.

“I… I can take a few days,” she said it softly, but she was still nervous. “You don’t need to offer me your home… I don’t want you to feel like you need to host-,” the mess she had become. Two young children who, while mostly well behaved, might run wild through his estate with excitement. It wouldn’t be the first visit she was sure, Logan probably bringing them along at times… “… are you sure?”